[The Ohtori Archives] Dr. RuPaul, Mr. Bitch-Face

Episode 13…in which Tamaki gets PWND and Ryoji reveals just how fabulous he really is.

The episode opens up where the last left off: Tamaki, pinning Haruhi to the floor as He Of the Basilisk Stare (i.e. Ryoji) looks on in shock. I’m going to hurdle jump over the “might” and just flat out say that this will not end well for Tamaki. Continue reading

[The Ohtori Archives] Home Invasion-Host Club Style

Episode 12…in which your reviewer is a Horrible C**t and leaves you with a CLIFF-HANGER, but makes up for it with the lovely ~*Bonus Episode*~ and thus wraps up the storyline for Volume 3.

We open upon the Hosts, staring in OMGWTF at the shambles of the Fujioka residence. Haruhi, looking more waif-like than usual, ushers the uninvited pests guests in and woe is felt by all at the Shambling Shambles of the place. Basically, it’s all sorts of fucked up…and in shambles, but I think you got that. Continue reading

[The Ohtori Archives] The Twins Put a Spell on Haruhi

Episode 11…in which there is Hallowe’en, the Twins are dicks, and Tamaki is a Glitter-pire.

Our scene opens on an autumn day in late October-presumably Hallowe’en, otherwise Cosplay is a transmittable condition and has finally been spread via Tamaki (*cough*manwhore*cough*) to the entire school. Continue reading

[The Ohtori Archives] RuPaul’s Drag Race: Ouran Edition

Episode TEN (Hell Yea~h…we’re in double-digits, baby!)…in which there are cross-dressers galore and everyone wants Haruhi to be their bitch.

We enter the scene just outside of Ouran’s gates. Poor Haruhi is cursing her luck for being forced to do the bidding shopping for the lazy twins who, apparently, cannot figure out how to navigate the local grocers for a container of instant coffee. Continue reading

[The Ohtori Archives] Hani Knows Kung-Fu, er…Karate

Episode 7…in which Kyoya plays God and Hani opens a can of Whup-Ass

We open this delightful episode of insanity on a genuine Tropical Vista and a very, very confused Haruhi. Though elaborate cosplay is nothing new to our reluctant heroine, Japan does not actually exist within a Tropical Zone, so her confusion mas merit. Continue reading

[The Ohtori Archives] Tricksy Twinses

Episode 5…in which the twins are devious menaces and should never be let out in public, ever. Especially when they’re bored.

Since this chapter is about the twins and they are a brand of Crazy that cannot be contained by reverse-harem Manga formula, we skip the usual opening Bishie Freeze frame and jump right into Kermit-Flailing Tamaki fussing at the twins. I would say that I’m surprised, except that I’d be lying. I’d by lying a lot. Continue reading

[The Ohtori Archives] General Host-pital

Episode 4…in which there is a lot of random fuckery and the briefly featured side character is a quack doctor named…quack doctor.

Spring. Love is in the air, we’re all choking on cherry blossom petals, and the senior Hosts should be graduating…except not. Barbie Girl Tamaki and Hatori Bisco make it abundantly clear in this moment of fourth-wall HULK-Smash that there will be no escaping graduating for Hani and Mori. Continue reading

[The Ohtori Archives] Shake Your Bun-Bun

Welcome to our first Super-Special Extra Episode of the series~…in which the Hani is secretly evil and Mori pulls off the silliest “Hand Wave,” ever.

In the glittering pink palace called Ouran, a Doom Cloud of Epic proportions hovers over our Hosts. In their attempt to man-handle fondle play dress up with Haruhi, the Trio of Stupid Trouble have accidentally spilled tea all over the Holy Relic Hani Sempai’s stuffed rabbit, Usa-chan (a.k.a. “Bun-Bun”). Continue reading