[The Ohtori Archives] Shake Your Bun-Bun

Welcome to our first Super-Special Extra Episode of the series~…in which the Hani is secretly evil and Mori pulls off the silliest “Hand Wave,” ever.

In the glittering pink palace called Ouran, a Doom Cloud of Epic proportions hovers over our Hosts. In their attempt to man-handle fondle play dress up with Haruhi, the Trio of Stupid Trouble have accidentally spilled tea all over the Holy Relic Hani Sempai’s stuffed rabbit, Usa-chan (a.k.a. “Bun-Bun”). To stop the boys’ squeals of fright (the twins’ squeals mostly mockery of He Who Glitters), Kyoya reminds all that Hani is Sleeping. This seems important, as the Troublesome Trio freeze in a way that you’d expect a “Dun Dun DUNNNNN” theme to kick in at any moment.

Haruhi is all for waking the napping Hani Sempai up to let him know what happened, but the three pests Hosts stop her by explaining how massive of a “Do Not Want” this is. Doubtful Haruhi is doubtful that the Hosts know what the fuck they’re talking about, especially since they paint a sleepy Hani as a mini-Kyoya Demon. Princess Tamaki’s Stupid must be airborne, as he convinces Haruhi by telling her that both Hani and Kyoya have the same blood-type. What that has to do with temperament and grumpiness, who the fuck knows.

Kyoya has a “WTF, SRSLY U GUYS” moment as they cower in fear, but idiotic Hosts are idiotic. In his panic, Tamaki tries to concoct a plan to Fix Things, but his plan is so dramatic as to be impossible. The twins call him on it, which leads to him chasing around Haruhi, trying to stuff her in a life-sized Usa-chan costume. Even though this is nearly as stupid as the last plan, the twins are all for it, since it involves cosplay and Haruhi. The Dancing Queen Host King, Tamaki tries to bull Haruhi that it’s because a sleepy-Hani won’t know the difference, but the truth is that Tamaki just has a few fucking bizarre fetishes when it comes to the youngest Host.

All the whinging and Kermit-flailing has finally woken Hani up, and a panicked Tamaki must sacrifice his precious Teddy bear to try an appease the Mad God Hani. Our Loli-Shouta rejects the substitution with an epic Floor-Smash, and Tamaki’s despair is felt by all. All the stupidity is for naught, as Hani sees his precious Usa-chan stained in tea, and aims a glare full of Killing Intent at “Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest.” As the audience, we are thankfully spared the glare, but we can imagine it must be up to level Basilisk, as there is much flailing and sobbing from the Host boys…more so than usual.

Just when it seems Host Homicide is imminent, Mori- King of the Hand Wave-saves the day. His excuse: Usa-chan wanted some tea. Seriously. I can’t make this shit up. The Hosts’ shock is enough that their shared Blue Screen of Death moment actually bears the label “Freeze Frame.” Though this is the worst canon “Hand Wave” ever, in the History of bad “Hand Waves,” it works. Hani totally falls for it and goes back to the Kewpie face and smiles.

We wrap up with the younger Hosts in awe and fear of Evil-Hani and Magical-Hand-Wave-Mori.

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I…almost don’t know what to say to this.

I mean, a Hani that can kill you with a glare, and a Mori that can bullshit like a bureaucrat?

I have to say, I really did not see this coming the first time around. Though I was more prepared for it this time, it still boggles the mind. This is a parody, a loving spoof of the Fluffy Romance that exists out there, but we have characters with depth and personality, and it is glorious. I want to see a frightening Hani. I want to see a Mori that talks, and Hand Waves, and surprises the Hell out of me. I want a Kyoya that emotes instead of having the “emotional range of a teaspoon.”

What Works

Though this story is very short on actual plot, it serves its purpose. We are not distracted by the Hosts wooing the Ladies. We are not distracted by cosplay. We are not distracted by side-plots. All this is is the Hosts interacting with each other. Their personal dynamic- How Tamaki and twins interact and play off each other, how Haruhi interacts with the twins and Tamaki, how Kyoya is both a part of the group while being separate from them, how Mori and Hani interact- is established in this short chapter. It gives so, so much fun detail without saying a God damned thing.

What I’d Forgotten

Poor Kyoya. Seriously. Not only does he have to put up with the Kermit-flailing and the infectious stupidity of his club mates, but they are so quick to (unintentionally) insult him. Haruhi, who normally can wade through the Crazy, falls victim as soon as Hani is revealed to have something in common with the resident Shadow King. Her reaction would be more appropriate if she’d been told that Hani was a sex fiend, so Kyoya’s chagrin is understandable.

Haruhi in the giant Usa-chan suit. Seriously. This is not the fan service borderline Playboy Bunny-Girl suit of the Anime. This is a genuine giant stuffed rabbit suit. Maybe it’s the hilarity factor of this on top of everything else. Maybe I haven’t had my dose of Schadenfreude, but I really wanted to see more of Giant-Bunny-Haruhi. Though, I have to say…Tamaki’s frightening determination to see Haruhi in the suit would make more sense if it was the pink lingerie version seen in the Anime. This comes across more as Tamaki indulging in secret Plushophilia tendencies than anything.

On this note, I’m going to wrap up this review. Though not integral to the over-all plot, this mini-Episode was still a fun way to spend five minutes reading. While short on pages, it still had enough fluff and crack to make it worth including in this volume, and look forward to the next mini-Episode, whatever it may be.

This prett~y much wraps up Volume One. Before I move on to Volume Two, I’ve put together a bit of Extra Content from the…Extra Content…at the end of the volume.

Ouran Confidential: courtesy of Kyoya Ohtori Hatori Bisco’s Archives

subtitle: This is Mostly Filler, part the First

As this volume comes to a close, the reader can safely say that they’ve learned a bit (sometimes WAY too fucking much) about the Hosts. However, for those of you crying out for The DETAILS, I have a a special treat for you! Lovely Manga-ka on High, Hatori Bisco, has kindly provided us with a wealth of random trivia on all our favorite Hosts~!

Note from me to you: when I say “random trivia,” I mean it. This is the character information/quotes pulled from the character pages at the end of the book. If this is your thing, I am glad to serve. If not, feel free to join me next time for my next review.

Ladies and Gents, welcome to the Who’s Who of the Host Club~!

subject: Haruhi Fujioka

sex: female

birth sign: Aquarius

height: 5 feet

school Class: A

school Year: 1

  • Food is the Life: favorites include ramen, strawberries and sushi; she much desires to try out deluxe Ootoro- a special cut of fatty tuna.
  • Smart is the New Sexy”: this scholar excels in all her classes, but has been noted to favor both English and History.
  • Vogue for me, Princess: not too conscious of personal appearance, this subject is comfortable in either ratty or fashionable clothes. It should be noted that, due to her father’s business-Professional Okama (Cross-dresser), the subject does have a sense of fashion, however much she ignores it.
  • All I want for Christmas…: not a materialistic type, our subject’s only real desire seems to be a laptop, at the moment. The subject, however, does not actively seek to own one.

Note on Haruhi from Hatori Bisco: “It’s fun to draw her various boy/girl aspects. She was designed, as I said, “cuter, cuter,” and became a heroine with enormous eyes. Sorry. Will gradually tone that down.”

subject: Tamaki Suou (a.k.a. Host Club President, a.k.a. Unicorn, a.k.a. Diva, etc)

sex: male

birth sign: Aries

height: 6 feet

school Class: A

school Year: 2

  • I’m not as think as you dumb I am: though a drama queen of the highest caliber, our subject excels in academia, favoring English, French, and both World and Japanese History.
  • Feed Me, Seymour: This subject shows great curiosity towards “commoner” food, and has been known to favor both “commoner” ramen- pork flavor- as well as “commoner” snacks- Baby Star candy.
  • Cry me a river: narcissistic and overly emotional, our subject has been known to cry very easily, most notably when spurned by our female subject.
  • The Play’s the Thing: a lover of drama, our subject has a marked fondness for both historical plays and Anime rife with emotional scenes.
  • A Sincere Playboy: though he has many admirers that he entertains, our subject appears to be genuine in his appreciation of all his clients. This could be partially due to the cycle of ego-feeding that often occurs during this session.

 

Note on Tamaki from Hatori Bisco: “I created him to be ‘narcissistic and annoying,’ but as the series progressed he has turned into an annoying idiot. He is the character who’s most out of control. Nobody can stop him now…so take him as you find him.[…] There are many aspects of him that have yet to be revealed, but that will come later.”

subject: Kyoya Ohtori (a.k.a. Host Club Vice-President, a.k.a. Shadow Lord, etc)

sex: male

birth sign: Cancer

height: 5 feet 10 inches

school Class: A

school Year: 2

  • Some Like it Hot: this subject has no taste for the sweeter dishes, but does have a great fondness for all that is spicy.
  • A Villain with a Heart of Gold: though our subject would claim otherwise, he is, in fact, good friends with the Host King. Though his motivations are far from pure, they are more calculating than greedy; our subject has plans and wants to see them realized.
  • Your Brain makes Your Glasses look Smarter: our subject is by no means an academic slouch, and tends to favor English, German, and Physics.

Note on Kyoya from Hatori Bisco: “If ‘Host Club”s first episode had been 40 pages instead of 50, he might have been cut from the cast (yikes!) Since the rest of the members are the way they are, he is invaluable for maintaining order and offering explanations[…]when I tried the “Host Type Horoscope Chart in the monthly magazine ‘Lala,’ [I] turned out to be Kyoya…I was quite offended (laugh).”

subject: Hikaru Hitachiin (a.k.a. the Older Twin, a.k.a. the Unsuspected Uke)

sex: male

birth sign: Gemini

height: 5 feet 9 inches

school Class: A

school Year: 1

  • All for the Science: while alike his twin in many ways, this subject excels in the academia surrounding numbers and science, favoring Math, Physics, and Chemistry.

 

subject: Kaoru Hitachiin (a.k.a. the Younger Twin, a.k.a. the Surprise Seme, etc)

sex: male

birth sign: Gemini

height: 5 feet 9 inches

school Class: A

school Year: 1

  • In Fair Ouran, Where we Lay our Scene: in contrast to his counterpart, this subject favors the more expressive aspects of academia, favoring English and Modern Literature.

both

  • Om to the Nom: these subjects are known to favor maple syrup, as well as Italian and Spicy food. The latter is more as a means to be contrary than actual preference. They’d prefer to eat something so spicy no one else would dare it eat than not bother, altogether.
  • Drs. Jekyll, Messrs. Asshole: dry humored, these subjects show both startling apathy and incredible passion about things, depending on whether they are disinterested or interested in something.
  • Love Me, Love Me: much unlike their Host club President, these subjects have no underlying passion for their clients. Their Incestuous act is just that…an act to fool their guests.
  • Contrary to Popular Belief…: these subjects often behave in contrary or unexpected ways. In relation to the incident with subject Haninozuka’s “Bun-bun,” their fright was initially mockery, but ended up being genuine.

Note on Hikaru and Kaoru from Hatori Bisco: “I like these guys…and I’m finally able to draw them confidently.”

subject: Mitsukuni Haninozuka (a.k.a. Hani/Hunny Sempai, a.k.a. resident Loli-Shouta)

sex: male

birth sign: Pisces

height: 4 feet 9 inches (with the power to shrink at will…seriously)

school Class: A

school Year: 3

  • Lollipop, Lollipop: this subject is infamous for his ability and desire to consume anything and everything containing sugar, from cake with strawberries, to cookies, to sweet tea. It is noted that he does have an occasional taste for spicy food, but this has yet to be observed.
  • Oh, Lola: though he looks almost like a child, this subject is the second oldest of the Hosts. He often uses many child-like expressions in speech and comes across as cute in a nearly illegal way. The difficulty with this subject, however, is determining if this is genuine or calculated.
  • Do the numbers: appearances are deceiving with this subject, as his academic record speaks highly of his intelligence. He favors math, but excels in all subjects.

Note on Mitsukuni from Hatori Bisco: “ I made him ‘the oldest member,’ in Episode 1, yet in Episode 3, Hunny is Pisces, and Mori is Taurus, so now Mori is the oldest member […] I was asked, ‘Does Bun-Bun not have a name?’ Then I realized for the first time that his name is just ‘Bun-Bun.’ Thanks (laugh).”

subject: Takashi Morinozuka (a.k.a Mori Sempai)

sex: male

birth sign: Taurus

height: 6 feet 2 inches

school Class: A

school Year: 3

  • What you see is what you get: an unassuming young man, this subject is “strong, yet kind” and much prefers silence and single-syllable replies to the monologues of his underclassmen.
  • Smart Cookie: this subject is just that…smart. He, like the rest, tends to favor specific subjects, in this case Geography and Japanese History.
  • The Silent Samurai: a member of the Kendo Club, this subject seems to only have joined in order to keep subject Mitsukuni company. The fact that he finds some measure of enjoyment is a definite bonus.

Note on Takashi from Hatori Bisco: “If I leave him alone, he winds up being a ‘quiet, sober-faced fellow,’ so he makes [me] groan a lot. But his love is vast (laugh), so there’s at least an outside chance of Haruhi and Mori becoming a couple.”

AN~D that’s all, folks, for this volume’s Host Confidential…till next time, when I will tackle Episode 1 of Volume 2. Till then~!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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