[The Ohtori Archives] The Twins Put a Spell on Haruhi

Episode 11…in which there is Hallowe’en, the Twins are dicks, and Tamaki is a Glitter-pire.

Our scene opens on an autumn day in late October-presumably Hallowe’en, otherwise Cosplay is a transmittable condition and has finally been spread via Tamaki (*cough*manwhore*cough*) to the entire school. Our delightfully apathetic heroine is minding her own business when all of a sudden…LEERING FACE staring at her from a giant window, the next building over. First reaction: AHHH!WTF! Second reaction: …do building codes just NOT exist here, or does Ouran physics allow everything to shrink, and grow, and move around at will?

My presumption about Hallowe’en proves (thankfully) true, which means we get a two-page spread of Fan Service posing, with the Hosts in costume. Normally I’d skim right the hell over their costuming shenanigans, but it is TOO MUCH to ignore. The twins are, appropriately enough, posing in witch costumes (little bitches) with Tamaki-obviously-as a Prince Charming of the Pink Palace. From there…things get weird…and funny as hell. We have Kyoya for the first, and only, time looking innocent and beneficent as a Priest. Yes, that’s right…Father Kyoya. Please excuse me while I laugh incredulously. Up next is the ridiculous tag-team of cute with Hani in a fluffy werewolf costume and tall-as-fuck Mori in a Puppy costume, complete with floppy ears, a giant dog bone and a can of puppy food…no, really. Finally, in an equally as personality-inappropriate costume, we have Haruhi as a Fairy Princess. Ah, yes…so THIS is what Tamaki sees when he forgets to take his Happy Pills.

Moving on…RAPIDLY…

Luckily for me us all, we seem to have left Never-Never Land behind and are now back in the relatively sane world of Ouran Land.

Our story truly kicks off with studious Haruhi learning of the shocking tradition of this super-rich school of letting the students wander the campus as they like, without classes, on Hallowe’en while the teachers grade their mid-term exams. If only Ouran Rules applied to Real Life schools, as well. Anyway, Haruhi’s dead-pan is Strong in the Force in face of the costume insanity, even proving stronger than incredulity when she is faced with the Duo of Devilishness dressed as Angels, of all things, asking for candy.

Haruhi is so prepared and the twins mourn over the fact that they have no reason to torment her. Enter Tamaki-cula, glinting fangs and pretty cape and all, Mastermind of Undermining Those Damned Twins. Apparently, this is their Thing: ask for candy and if you’re not holding, tickle you until you squeal for mercy. Seems an…odd…method of torture, but I can see why Tamaki, former victim as well as Fairy-Princess and His Wimpishness, wants Haruhi to be PREPARED.

The moment of Twin Tormenting is abruptly put on hold for a bit of Vampire-Tamaki schmoozing with a fan-girl, Fan Servicing the Hell out of the Vampire Shtick like it hasn’t been Fan Serviced since Unicorns and Vampires first bred and popped out the Cullens. The Plan of Awesome now a Plan of Fail, the twins pout like toddlers over being thwarted by the Idiot King (of Vampires, apparently). Haruhi does what she does best-“WTF Ever”s-all over the thing and plans a retreat to the library for the day. The Twins DO NOT WANT and Hulk-Pout all over it.

Haruhi, reminded of the Opening Scene by the Pouting Twin brandishing a Witch costume (…are they trying to say something?), wonders if Creepy Lurking Woman she saw earlier was a Witch. Because, you know, Witches hang out by huge stained-glass windows in the middle of an Elite school. For funsies.

An air of DOOMish DOOMiness lurks over the class, with fan girls looking scared, and the Pouting Twin and the Class Chairman starting to lose their shit a bit. Haruhi, humanitarian and cuddle-bunny that she is, totally ignores their distress in favor of wondering why the others can’t see the creepy-ass Leering Chick. BAM, dramatic crack in the window pane glass cracks dramatically. DUN DUN DUNNNNN!

Seriously, you guys…I FRIGGIN LOVE THIS.

For the first time since she joined the Host Club, Haruhi repels the fan girls, who are not afraid of her. Really. They are just concerned about her suffering from the Witch’s Curse. Really really! Re-enter Kaoru, who is returning from a bathroom break (…that is totally relevant you guys, I’m not just scrambling for filler), who has had an OopsFuck moment in the hall, stumbled, and somehow scraped his elbow on the smoothly polished floors hard enough for it to DRIP with blood. I hate to coin a cliché, but…Nice Job Breaking It, Hero.

Ominous atmosphere becomes more ominous as all the clocks in the world-and whatever the fuck makes a “krak” sound-start going off at once. The fan girls and the Class Chairman are elegantly LOSING their SHIT when Nekozawa pops up and things get SO MUCH better. Seriously, I’m beginning to think he has Batman ears where the word “Curse” is concerned.

…Meanwhile, Tamaki is pulling an Edward Cullen, Sparkling like the Glitter-pire he is, surrounded by swooning females…

…AN~D back to our regularly scheduled program, in which the twins have managed to convince Haruhi to dress up as a friggin’ adorable Witch. For the curse, you know. It HELPS, okay?! Whatever the reason, the Twins are loving it, and the fan girls have apparently forgotten their Terror in favor of cooing over “wittle Hawuhi.” We finally have proactive Haruhi, as she decides to go to the scene of the sighting to investigate. Nekozawa, popping up like one of Tamaki’s Depression Mushrooms, warns her off in his lovingly creepy way.

In one breath, he cautions her that it would be dangerous to confront the Witch as he also tells her how lucky she is to be Cursed and begs for the Curse to be passed on to him. This guy has Issues and I love him for it. His wig of protection flies off, revealing his shiny golden locks (Tamaki’s Evil Twin, I’m telling you!) and he flees in terror. Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the Black Magic Club, fleeing from a burst of wind. He’ll be here forever (since no one EVER graduates).

Concerned Renge pops up (yes, she’s still here) to check in on her darling Haruhi, but is distracted by the “Ooh, something shiny” of Haruhi complimenting her costume. Thus begins a gush of the Otaku Kind that we all know and love Renge for. The gush ends in an invite to go make cookies and Jack’O’Lanterns and Haruhi is a wet blanket for turning that shit down. The fan girls use the Mighty Power of the Tears against her and it seems that they have found this heroine’s Kryptonite, as she quickly agrees to join in on the Fun Times.

Apparently, the fan girls’ invite to make cookies actually means Haruhi teaching the rich girls how to make cookies, which is sadly hilarious as they try to figure out how to spread dough and use cookie cutters. Haruhi quietly ponders, as is her wont, and makes cookies like the champ she is. Its when she’s looking for an ingredient that BAM! Witch Face in the reflection.

I would lose my shit. Or scream like a little girl. Or maybe both. Haruhi, though, unflappable as she is, whips around to confront the leering Creepy Lady and face-smashes herself with Hikaru’s abs of steel. Hikaru, the dick, teases her for being “scared” when she asks if he saw that Creeper Chick too, and uses it as an excuse to drag her around with him for the rest of the day.

Lucky Haruhi. o_o

When the judge asks you why you did it, just tell them “Hikaru Hitachiin was asking for it.” I’m sure he’ll understand.

Kaoru’s conspicuous absence is conspicuous. Hikaru, of course, bitch-faces that his brother told him to not bother following him to the nurse’s office to get his elbow seen to because he’d be in the way. Ouch. Haruhi sees his ego curb-stomp and raises it a pride-punch when she agrees without hesitation. AND it’s the Kaoru-Haruhi tag-team for the Win!

Hikaru’s ego: 0

Kaoru-Haruhi: OVER 9,000!!!

Hikaru’s ego is resilient, however, and he quickly goes back to making a pest of himself. Haruhi FINALLY reacts like a normal person would and kicks the crap out of Hikaru, pushing him away and calling him a brat. FINALLY. THANK you, Haruhi. Thank You.

Hikaru calms the fuck down and hovers as Haruhi goes back to the Serious Business of cookie making like she wasn’t just giving the boy a beat down. The duo have an unexpected Moment (mostly on Hikaru’s part) when Haruhi vents her annoyance in a way that shows how well she knows the twins’ personalities. It’s a sweet moment, with Hikaru smiling genuinely for once, and we shall quickly move on before the fluff over-powers the glorious Crack of this chapter.

It’s Pumpkin Carving Time, and we discover that Haruhi is a Lantern Virgin. We also discover the one thing (or, one of the things) that can get a genuine laugh out of Hikaru…Haruhi’s drawing skills. Apparently, Haruhi is NOT Strong in the Doodling Force. NOT at ALL. Haruhi lets the fan girls drag her away as a cackling Hikaru gleefully carves her “masterpiece” for her. The Twins (well, mostly Hikaru) are dicks. Loveable, annoying dicks.

In Moment mark 2 of the episode, the fan girls thank Haruhi for being such good friends with the Devilish Duo, who used to be so closed off to everyone, until they joined the Host Club.  We get a bit of background about the insular duo being insular until Tamaki, but how they’ve really opened up since meeting Haruhi.  Basically, Haruhi makes the Twins happy and that makes the Twins’ fan girls happy for them. D’AWWWWW. There are Warm Fuzzies for everyone as Friendship and Love and Squee is in the air.

Renge does what she does best and Otaku-squees over the possibility of the Twins’ “Past Trauma” until Kyoya saves the day by showing up to talk Host business with Hani and Mori trailing behind. Their cameo is brief, but it segues back into cookie-focus as Hani gags on a salty cookie and Haruhi ponders WTF is up with this place today?

The Curse strikes again as Hikaru apparently slices the fuck out of himself carving the pumpkin and Haruhi mother-hens all over him. She tries to rush him to the nurse but Hikaru, weirdly, keeps on asking her if she’ll go to the dance with them. Slowly, she adds up the weirdness and comes to the conclusion that Something is Rotten in the State of Ouran.

Turns out, the Twins have been fucking with her all day. Hikaru and Kaoru have been rigging the oddities, and sabotaging the cookies, and trading off dressing up as the creepy Leering Chick. DICKS. Haruhi has her payback, though, when she unleashes her inner DEMON of SCARY GLOWING EYES on Kaoru, whose turn it was to play the witch. Thus, Kaoru pees his pants in terror while dressed in drag for (probably) the first and hopefully the last time.

Aro Tamaki of the Volturi Ouran holds court over the twins to tell them off for their douche-baggery and we find out they only did it because they wanted to hang out with Haruhi, without her having to be pushed in to doing it. Haruhi has an Aha Moment of Friendship, and in the end she agrees that spending the day having fun with friends is worth it, every once in a while.


Just when I despaired that the Crack was losing its edge, I get this chapter. Words cannot express my joy over how insane this episode was:

The Twins being Prankster Genii and Utter Dicks in the name of Friendship; Tamaki as a Glitter-pire; Haruhi the Teenage Witch; and Hani and Mori in their adorably fluffy werewolf and giant spotted puppy costumes, respectively.

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE THIS SHIT?

What Worked

Since I don’t very well want to say EVERYTHING and re-hash EVERYTHING after I just re-capped the episode, I am forcing myself to pick my absolutely favorite things.

Mori in a puppy costume. We had-maybe-three or four frames of this, max, but there needed to be more. LOTS more. It might have had zero relevance to the plot structure and the actual story-line, but it would have taken the over-whelming Crack already present and kicked it up a notch or ten thousand. That scene with Nekozawa gushing and Kermit-flailing over the Curse…so much better with a Puppy-Mori. The scene with Haruhi teaching the girls to bake cookies…SO much more Squee with a Puppy-Mori (and Werewolf-Hani) lingering around, looking cute. Seriously, I could go on for a WHILE about how much use this could have been put to. Still, I understand that the CUTE is intense enough to be distracting from what is actually going on, so I can forgive this lack of Mori Fan Service, especially since I know what comes later (cackles gleefully).

As dickish as it was for the Twins to fuck with Haruhi for the entire episode, I can actually get behind this. These are boys who are extremely socially stunted. From what we’ve already learned about them, they were very insular until just a year ago, when they joined the Host Club, and even then they did not really open up. These two, flirts that they are, did not speak to people before this and did not make friends. Enter Haruhi, the first person to be able to effortlessly tell them apart, and not only that…she knows them. She can see through the pranks, and the teasing, and the laughter and find the heart of who these boys are. This is something new in their lives and something very precious to them. However, Haruhi only ever is around them willingly in class or during Host time. In this instance, she had to be pushed into socializing with her peers when she had a chance to do otherwise. The twins, who want nothing more than to have quality time with their dear friends, did whatever their socially stunted brains could think up in order to keep Haruhi around, even if it meant pulling a massive as fuck prank on her. Though this could have ended badly, it ended well as Haruhi understands the twins enough to realize that this wasn’t meant meanly.

The foreshadowing. Ye Gods, the foreshadowing. There was SO MUCH going on in this chapter, if only because I am aware of what is coming up for the Hikaru-Kaoru-Haruhi friendship trio. These three grow closer in this episode, and there are SO MANY hints of how their relationships are changing/going to change dropped throughout this chapter. Unfortunately, since I don’t want to be Spoiler-Lady, I cannot expand too much on what the Spoilers ARE and what they MEAN, but if you have seen the Anime before, you know what I mean. Seriously. If you have ONLY ever seen the Anime, I recommend reading this chapter, even if you do not read another, as it informs and enriches what comes later, making it seem less “sudden” or “out of nowhere,” like it does in the show. That is all I will say as I am treading dangerously on the edge of giving away future chapters.

Though this is random, and silly and has no bearing on the chapter, the image of Kyoya as a Priest and Tamaki as a Vampire just strikes me as hilarious. Seriously, I now have the image in my head of Kyoya as Abraham Van Helsing and Tamaki as Dracula, dueling it out. Kyoya would use the Epic Power of his Extreme Knowledge and Scary-Ass Smile and Tamaki would battle using his Dramatic Poses, and Glittering Flowers, and Power of the Super-Flirt. Like Hani and Mori, these two are conspicuously absent for most of the episode, but that is understandable, as this is an episode for and about Haruhi and the Twins. It is just a shame that the Manga-ka did not play around with this Cosplay in an earlier episode, or even in a mini-episode, which would have been glorious.

SPEAKING OF MINI-EPISODES…bring them baaaaack. They were so, so much fun. I know that I whine about this some (*cough*a lot*cough*) since they’ve disappeared, but they were so fun, and silly, and possibly the product of a diseased Tamaki’s brain.

Since I am barely holding back a fan girl ramble that could go on for a LONG WHILE, I am going to close up here and say stay tuned for next installment, in which we close up Volume Three with the final Main Episode and a Bonus Episode!

Thanks for reading! Till next time~













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