[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Bran and Catelyn

Bran is still falling. He’s remembering Maester Luwin’s lesson about what happens to clay when it’s thrown out of a window and thinking that what happens to flesh probably is probably similar enough. A voice is telling him to take the third option and fly. I would say that hearing voices in your head is a bad sign, but the inside of his head is all Bran has right now, so I’ll let him have this one without crying “loony bin.”

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[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Catelyn

I’d rather go camping with Robert than deal with Catelyn when she’s being both an asshole and a grieving mother. Unlike Jon, I’m not too proud to give into denial and pretend Catelyn’s chapters don’t exist. That would, alas, make me a very bad blogger and I would feel guilty, and it would all be Catelyn’s fault!

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[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Tyrion

While the king’s entourage noisily lumbers its way south, the much smaller “dwarves and bastards” party makes its way north. According to Tyrion, it’s a very long and hard way, but as a Canadian, I scoff at his perception of the travel conditions. There’s an actual road, and stone bridges, and occasional villages, so how remote could it be? Tyrion’s just grumpy because the forest of howling wolves isn’t stocked with prostitutes and he’s not used to such a long dry spell.

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[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Eddard

You know what it’s like when you hate camping but have to go anyway? There’s always the one guy who’s all, “Get up! Let’s go greet the sun and pee in the bushes and be one with nature!” And all you want to do is curl up in your sleeping bag and pretend you’re in your bed and there’s running water and electricity for your laptop within your reach. The royal court, now including some Starks, is trekking back south and Robert Baratheon is that nature-loving asshole. He wants Ned to get up and go pre-dawn riding with him.

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[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Jon and Daenerys

Summer snow swirls around the castle’s grey walls. Wind howls and its howls are answered by those of wolves. Inside the walls it is warm, but quiet. Too quiet. Jon Snow makes the climb as if it were for the last time. It is. There is danger waiting ahead for him. A monster with claws and teeth that tear at his very soul. His wolf won’t save him, no one will save him, and he would turn back, but for the love that motivates him in this quest. Continue reading

[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Tyrion

I can’t tell if GRRM is a kind old wizard who’s cheering me up with Tyrion after that Bran chapter or if he’s an evil genius cackling madly as he gives me emotional whiplash.

Tyrion is in the library, having spent the whole night reading, and is jerked back to the real world by the howling of Bran’s nameless wolf. He gives the septon (who is functioning as a librarian) instructions to take specific care with certain books. He’s a ninja and a geek, how is a girl to keep her panties on? Continue reading