Tyrion, my little ray of sunshine in a sea of misery and horror, how I love thee. Tyrion is with his father as Tywin is being notified of Jaime’s capture. Tywin is distraught at the danger the son he gives a damn about is in. Tyrion is distraught at the danger the one family member he loves and who loves him back is in. An assortment of Lannister captains and bannermen are also present, whether or not they are distraught, I couldn’t say.
Sansa and I finally have something in common — when things are horrible, we hide under the blanket in our beds. For some time after Ned’s execution (at least several days), she spent all of her sleeping and waking moments there, when she slept, she dreamt about Ned’s death, then her own. And then Joffrey arrived to make her real life even worse than the nightmares.
Arya is hunting pigeons on the streets. It’s a good thing Syrio’s training has her so well-prepared for the life of a street urchin. Unfortunately, bakers are not interesting in trading freshly baked tarts for dead pigeons, no matter how fat a pigeon it may be. Imagine that. Luckily for Arya, the baker is fat and unlikely to catch her. Luckily for the baker, two city watch guards are around to make up for any deficiencies in his physique.
Catelyn, guarded by thirty knights, is waiting for the fighting to end one way (in Robb’s favour) or the other (in Jaime’s favour) and ruminating on all the times she had to wait for her men to come home: her father, Brandon Stark, Ned Stark, now Robb. It’s all very archetypally mediaeval, the fair maiden on the battlements, the men riding off to war. Catelyn is content with waiting, and that makes one of us, because I am bored to tears. Time to skim until something actually happens!
Dany is inspecting the aftermath of a battle — more of a slaughter, really — from the privileged height of her horse. Another khalasar had come across a shepherding village and were in the process of savaging it when Drogo & co showed up and finished off both. We’re treated to some lovely scenes of torture, killing, and rape. Dany is affected but reminds herself that this is what it will take to reclaim her throne. It’s like Jorah said, the people don’t care who gets sit on the throne and no matter who wins the war between kings, the people will always lose.
And we’re back! Ok, so I’m back. I apologize for my protracted absence. It’s a combination of real life, propensity for procrastination, and the fact that the last chapter that I recapped reminded me that this series will eat my soul and I needed time to regain my will to live, or at least to read. I would’ve loved to come back to Tyrion, but I’ll accept Jon as a suitable consolation prize. To the Wall!
Ladies (not hello, ladies, see Weston for that), a poll: for those of you who took your husband’s last name upon marriage, how many continued to think of yourself as Firstname Maidenname fifteen years down the line? I changed my last name six years ago and I’m used to it. I just can’t pin down the convention for this in the Seven Kingdoms. On one hand, Catelyn seems to be treated as a member of House Stark, on the other, she thinks of herself as Catelyn Tully. Lysa is referred to as “Lysa Arryn,” but Cersei is called “Cersei Lannister.” Does Littlefinger spend his days doodling “Catelyn Baelish” and “Mr. and Mrs. Petyr Baelish” on the treasury accounts? This is important! Meanwhile, in the back of my mind, I know that I’m thinking about this way more than GRRM ever did, and I feel like he’s trolling me and doesn’t even know it. GRRM can troll you by just being, he’s that good.
Sansa’s in a weird in-between state where she understands that she’s a hostage and that things are bad for her and her family, but still clings to the delusion that Cersei and Joff give a damn about her. I myself am also in an in-between state where I don’t dislike her as a character anymore, but don’t look forward to her chapters because they’re basically misery with very little forward movement in the plot.
I’ve missed Tyrion. That’s nothing new, I always miss Tyrion. Not even specifically in this book, just generally, in life. Somehow, his chapters are always so much less horrifying than everybody else’s. Either fewer bad things happen to him or I just have selective memory when it comes to my favourite.
This chapter’s drinking game: drink any time someone mentions goats or penes; two drinks for the threat of feeding someone’s penis to a goat; finish your drink if a goat actually eats something; find all the alcohol in your home, mix it together, and chug it if a goat actually eats a penis.
Catelyn and her uncle have taken the sea route to Robb, travelling to the White Harbor — the North’s primary port — and then on to where Robb’s gathering his forces with the sons of White Harbor’s lord, Manderly, as escorts. It’s nice that at least one of the Stark kids gets to be reunited with a parent, but think about it: out the six kids, only one gets to see a parent again, and it’s the oldest to boot. The babies will have to fend for themselves!