[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Catelyn and Arya

If I have to do another Catelyn, you have to promise me the next one will be Tyrion. (I checked, it’s not. Neither is the one after that. This is why I didn’t read the book in order in the first place!)

Catelyn has the hottest room in the castle, and that’s not a euphemism for sex, it’s just a statement to her innate southern wussiness when it comes to weather. Sex has been happening, though; it winds down in unromantic terms as the chapter opens. Catelyn hopes Ned’s “seed” inside her doesn’t go to waste and gets put to baby-making use. I gag because it’s gone from unromantic to slightly gross. Mercifully, the conversation is moving on to politics. Continue reading

[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Jon

Fourteen-year-old Jon Snow is drinking wine, as one does when one lives in a mediaeval fantasy world. Lest I mislead anyone into thinking that Jon is in need of an intervention and a twelve-step program, it should be said that this is happening during a feast. Jon is secretly gloating over the fact that his brothers and sisters — sitting with the adults at the hosts and royalty table — would only be allowed one glass, whereas he, being seated on the benches in the crowd, can keep on drinking while the young squires surrounding him do the mediaeval fantasy version of the “chug chug” chant. Ok, so maybe a small intervention.

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[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Eddard

You know, I had completely forgotten that Ned Stark is a point-of-view character. It’s details like this that justify my choosing to start the series from scratch rather than jump in where I left off. On the other hand, this means there’s yet another segment standing between me and the delightfully twisted mind of Tyrion Lannister. The Lannister Crazy will be my reward for making it through the Stark Emo.
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[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Daenerys

Daenerys was my favourite point-of-view when I was reading this series for the first time. I’m looking forward to this!

The chapter opens with Viserys being creepy, which is Viserys’s default setting. Brothers should never say the word “caress” to their sisters, in any context. Eurgh. Talking about the fabric bringing out the colour in Dany’s (Daenerys is a pretty name, but I’m lazy) eyes is not helping! There are a lot of sexual undertones to the way Viserys treats Dany, but we are talking about Targaryens, a House whose words might as well have been “Incest: a game the whole family can play.” Here’s a creepy question no one wanted to contemplate: if the rebellion had never happened, would Dany and Viserys be forced to marry even though Viserys was not the heir to the throne? Now, Targaryens do not have a monopoly on incest in A Song of Ice and Fire, but in their case, it’s institutional incest. There must have been some sort of laws and traditions governing it, right?

No, brain bleach will not be provided with these recaps.
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[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Bran and Catelyn

“The morning had dawned clear and cold, with a crispness that hinted at the end of summer.” Summer that lasts for years and years. With winter almost here and temperatures dropping, I can see the appeal of that. I imagine a nine-year summer in Winterfell must be really nice. Nine years of summer in King’s Landing, or worse yet: Dorne, on the other hand, must suck balls. Sweaty, humid balls.
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[Red Pen Reads] A Game of Thrones – Prologue

The story opens with a prologue and if this is your first time opening the book, you might foolishly believe that the prologue would be logically followed by a “chapter 1”. We’ll return to that assumption when we make it that far. If we make it that far and in George R.R. Martin’s books, that’s a big if! (George R.R. Martin shall henceforth be known as GRRM, pronounced “grim,” roll the R.)
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[Red Pen Reads] The whys, wherefores and WTFs of this project

When Game of Thrones the HBO show hit the screens, it revitalized my interest in the series. I first discovered it some time after the release of book 2, but by the time book 4 rolled around, it slipped from my consciousness and so books 4 and 5 remained unread.

The show reminded me that I really did enjoy the story, only rather than pick up where I left off, the material to fill any gaps in my memory only a Google-search away, I decided to reread it properly from the beginning. Why blog about it? I like recap blogs myself, for books and TV shows, so this is my chance to actually contribute something instead of being the perpetual consumer.

Since this is a reread blog, I already know what’s coming for the characters, but I’m going to try and avoid outright spoilers. I won’t necessarily do just one narrative segment per post, because some of them are really short.

It’s been 10 years since I last read A Game of Thrones. Let’s see how it holds up!

[Paint-Bit Theater] Deus Ex Human Revolution Ep. 01 – Adam Jensen’s Precious Little Life

We start, in traditional Deus Ex fashion, with the BBEGs talking about their plans. We see one guy in a suit talking via holo-skype to several others. I always knew that skype was a tool of the Illuminati, so it’s good of Edios to confirm that.

We cut to a news program where a ludicrously* attired presenter named Eliza Cassan. she’s talking about demonstrations protesting human augmentation, when we pull back and find ourselves in the office of Dr. Megan Reed. Our protagonist, Adam Jensen, is arguing with some military type over the phone about security for an impending senate hearing.

After gaining control of Jensen, I picked up an eBook laying on the couch with some stuff about a “patient x” in it. Apparently “patient x” has some sort of genetic quirk that means he doesn’t have to worry about implant rejection syndrome, which is apparently a Big Deal. Apparently this means that soon everyone can have augments, which is pretty cool.

After messing around and reading her e-mail (Jensen’s kind of a jerk), I talk to Megan has we start a short section where  you’re walked through a few labs. You met some scientists, as well as talk to Megan about all the military contracts your company is getting. Megan defends their work by saying that they help lots of average people, but this is almost immediately undermined by a demonstration of one of these military projects, the Typhoon system. The best way to describe this things is as a reuse-able suicide vest, but without the suicide part.

I predict that this foreshadowing will have no further impact on the plot of the game.

After the demo, Adam and Megan get into an elevator on the way to see their boss, David Sarif. There is some light banter showing that the two had a Thing, but they are interrupted by Frank Pritchard, company tech specialist and general jerkface. Megan gets off to check on something, leaving Pritchard and Jensen to snark at each other.

After arriving that the penthouse, Pritchard goes to explain how the scientists GPL** implants work, while Jensen goes in to see David.

Allow me to get something out of the way before we continue.

David Sarif is, as we in the know say, a GQ Motherfucker™. The only thing with better looking polygons than his hair is his waistcoat. His cybernetic arm has gold inlay and is worth more than your car. He’s probably best friends with The Dos Equis Guy and goes drinking with The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.

Now that we have all that out of the way…

Jensen goes to confirm that all the security details are in place when a alarm goes off. There’s been an accident in one of the labs, and Sarif sends you down to help. In the elevator Pritchard calls you to tell you all the cameras are being jammed and that Megan’s GPL signal indicated she was running. On hearing that, Jensen pulls a combat rifle out of Hammerspace and you are given control as the elevators open to show that the labs are on fire. As you move through the complex tutorials are given, and you discover that this isn’t an accident, but that you’re being attacked by augmented mercenaries.

After some more tutorials and some combat, we cut to a FMV where you get ambushed and thrown through a wall by the leader of the mercs, A man we (much, much) later learn is named Namir. Namir pretty much wrecks Jensen, leaving him bleeding out on the floor before putting a revolver to his head. We hear a gunshot, and then see a credit sequence that splices scenes of Jensen getting saved via augmentation surgery with dialogue from Sarif and flashes of Megan saying that she loves you.

Next week, we’ll infiltrate our own factory, defuse a bomb and have a chat with a charming racial stereotype.

[Paint-Bit Theater] And then, suddenly, a Let’s Play blog!

Like everything else here at Made of Fail Productions, this started out as the product of a combination of sleep deprivation, caffeine addiction and the use of the phrase, “You know what might be fun…?”. This is where I’ll be posting (hopefully) entertaining recaps of my blunders through various video games. And since I am too poor to afford a fancy video capture rig I’m way too cool to use videos, I’ll be illustrating my adventures using cutting edge, high-definition MS PAINT TECHNOLOGY!

So please, join me in this little adventure I like to call….Paint-bit Theater.